Listening to the group today, I heard a theme going through it. People struggling to keep their balance. I could relate to that. Physically I have always had a problem with my balance and under certain conditions I suffer from vertigo. But under pressure, stress, and anxiety, I believe I have from time to time suffered from an inner vertigo.
Once again, when I think about this I go back to the 12&12, where it asks the question we all have to ask ourselves at certain points in our sobriety. Can I stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions? Good question. And, what’s my answer?
My sponsor knew the question and he knew the answer. Whenever I would find myself off balance, he would say to me that I needed to get my feet planted on a firm foundation and I would find that I could then proceed forward from there.
He would tell me to go back and consider the first three steps again and when I had them firmly in my grasp I would have that foundation on which to stand without wavering. I would do that and find that he was right. And when I did that I knew exactly what step I needed to be working at that time.
The process which he suggested was not one which took a lot of time, but it did have an impact of straightening my thinking out. It had a calming effect and it settled me down within myself. Upon reflection of my bottom, which brought me into the program, and remembering the total unmanageability of my life, I could then begin to once again to consider how powerful a step the second once had on my life. Coming to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Just the idea that there was something greater than myself I could rely on was an enormously steadying influence on me. And then to once again to make a decision to let go and let God freed me of all my difficulties.
Anway, I was thinking about this this afternoon.