I don’t know about you all, but I do remember a time when I would think how boring. I seemed to be hearing the same old stuff over and over again. Back then it drove me to distraction, until one day a man said how relieved he was to hear the same thing over and over again. He said if he heard something new he knew he would be in the wrong place.
I was thinking about that, because I was thinking about the first step again today. In fact, I think about this step often. How could I not think about it or even try to ignore it? It comes unbidden into my mind so often. How could I ever afford to forget it? It introduced me into a new way of life. It gave me life itself. It was my ticket into the seat I sit in. Like most of us, it came at a high price and I don’t ever want to let go of it. It was my pass to membership in this fellowship of the spirit. It gave me the desire to stop drinking.
Today I was talking to a friend about another member who is suffering from a chronic illness. I said to her that the woman we were talking about, when she is into her illness tends to push people away. My friend looked at me and laughed and said, “Of course you wouldn’t know anything about that would you?” I had to laugh because I have often been guilty of refusing the hand of help. Too much pride. But, when I hit my bottom, pride went out the window. I needed help and was willing to take it from wherever and whoever would give it to me. I was willing to surrender for the first time in my life. Alcohol had finally beaten me down. I could go no further.
When I get full of myself and chock filled with my pride and ego, I need to go back and remind myself of what it was like to give up the fight I was in with the world and alcohol. That thought takes the wind out of my sails and deflates that balloon I call myself. It reminds me that it’s humility that helps make this program work for me. When we talk about the maintenance of our spiritual condition, that’s it in a nutshell. The admission that I’m powerless. If I am to stay sober, I need to keep this ever present in my soul.