What is it, this spiritual life? Darned if I know. I’ve been living his sober life going on 37 years now and I know less and less about it, as I go on.
Is it a feeling? I don’t think so. Is it heavenly choirs? Again, I don’t think so. We’re told that the spiritual life is not a theory it has to be lived. That we have a daily reprieve dependent on our spiritual condition. Yet, what is that?
I think, back in my first few years in the program, when I was smart, I could have told you everything about spirituality. But, as time has gone on, I have come to realize that I really know nothing. I have grown dumber and dumber.
I was thinking about this today, because it came up in a meeting. It really doesn’t bother me that I have become so stupid over these years. My old sponsor was that way, also. In fact, he never even mentioned it to me. The only thing he told me was to read the BB and to work the steps into my life. And the more that I have done this, I have come to believe that I know nothing.
What I think is this (and that is dangerous), where it says “it has to be lived”, that practicing the steps is just that. It simplifies everything and allows me to depend on the thought that maybe, just maybe, I’m growing along spiritual lines. I know one thing; I haven’t had to take a drink in all these years. I have come to believe that the most spiritual thing I can do each day is not to take a drink. And, whether I know it or not, that God is doing for me what I can’t do for myself.
That to me is a comforting thought. I can live with that. Like the BB says, I’m neither cocky nor afraid.
As I’m writing this, I’m looking out the window at a snow storm, which has piled up a lot of snow and continues to do so. I had an appointment this afternoon and called to cancel it. I’m not that dumb to drive in conditions like this.
Anyway, that’s what I was thinking.