I was reminded today about what I have learned since I came to this program. It’s something else.
The first thing I learned was that this was a program of abstinence. It is about not drinking and staying sober a day at a time. No one, nor does the literature, teach me how to drink. Instead I learned that I had to get honest and accept the fact that I was suffering from a fatal illness and the only way I could avoid ending up dying from this disease was to stop drinking and find a way out. No one ever encouraged me or taught me that relapse or picking up an occasional drink was what recovery was about. Nor was I ever told that marijuana or any other “recreational” drugs were a replacement for the alcohol I had given up. In fact, just the opposite.
What I, also, learned was that, when I was fearful and anxiety ridden, because I couldn’t take a drink to relieve my symptoms, there was a solution. The solution I found was that I get a Higher Power other than myself. That this Higher Power could keep me sober and the path to that faith in this higher power would be found in the instructions written in the BB and the action to be taken through the twelve steps of the program. I was told that I had to arrive at a spiritual awakening in order to stay sober and receive a healing for what was wrong with me and that by the time I arrived at the twelfth step this would be exactly what would occur in my life. I was told, too, that, if I was to practice and lead a spiritual way of life, a day at a time, that I would be able to stay sober and experience a complete change in personality.
All of what I have learned has come true in my life. I have changed. I have gotten better. And, I continue to change and continue to get better everyday I commit myself to this way of life. After all, I learned that change was the name of the game.
The spiritual awakening I sought is not an isolated incident; a one time only experience. I’ve learned that it’s a continuous process. It began back when I first made that decision to stop drinking. It started when I first begged God to stop me from drinking and stop me from living that awful life I had been living. It is still unfolding to this day.
I gradually was able to learn how to practice HOW. I learned that I had to get honest, open minded, and willing. I, also, learned that I had to practice perseverance; not to give up and quit, when the going got tough. None of this has been easy, but it is a lot easier than the life I was living before. A whole lot.
That’s what I was thinking about today.