A friend of mine and I were talking and thinking today about the big four. You know, all of what’s wrong with us. Our disease is fourfold: physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional. When I came here, I was plagued by each one of these. I couldn’t stop drinking, I was as crazy as a bed bug, the spiritual bankruptcy was definite, and my emotions were all over the place.
The first must in the BB is in the Doctor’s Opinion. It tells us that we can’t ignore the physical aspects of this disease. That we must believe we’re as abnormal physically as we are mentally.
In describing what’s wrong with us, the doctor tells us about our allergic reaction to alcohol and includes the abnormal reaction in the mind with the mental obsession and the compulsion to drink alcohol. And the physical craving? That’s something else.
But it’s the last two around which our conversation was centered. Things have changed for the both of us over these years of sobriety. Though we both believe that we have made some progress spiritually, we had to agree that the longer we stayed sober the less we knew about any of this. Truthfully I can say for myself that I have become dumber and dumber.
However, I do know that one of the biggest hazards to our sobriety rests in the last of the four. Our emotional condition. The BB tells us that the idea that we are like other people has to be smashed. Of course they can drink and someone like me can never do what they do, which is to put the drink down. I never could. But there’s also something else going on. I really believe that I don’t think and react like others. Never did. I recently got an email from a friend in which Dr. Hughes, a former board member in New York, said that alcoholism was an emotional disease. For me, this is worth a thought.
Because of this program, the result of working these steps, the support and guidance of so many good people in my life, the directions in the BB and the 12&12, following the directions in the BB to work with others outside this program and receiving good counseling, and the help of my Higher Power, I have not only been protected from taking a drink, but I have gained peace of mind and serenity in my life. The playing field has been leveled. And, and I am grateful. But my history, my life in this program has shown me that I am still vulnerable. I’ve made many mistakes and it makes me wonder why I haven’t picked up a drink along the way.
It makes me aware of just how fortunate I have been. Paying attention and not letting things fester within is a must.
Anyway, I was thinking about this this evening.