I was thinking today that AA is not a convenience store. Sometimes I hear things, which makes me think that some view it this way. I guess they figure it’s like a drive in window you can pull up to and get whatever you want. At least it appears to me that way.
All I know is that it’s pain that got my attention and forced me to change my life from drinking to not drinking. It was utter devastation which made me chuck one way of life for another. My bottom was such that it made me willing to do whatever it took to get away from booze. I became willing to go to any lengths, not because it is what I wanted, but because I had to do this or die.
Each step I have taken in this program was inspired by the pain I was experiencing at the time I took them. Like I’ve often said before, I didn’t come here to be good or a saint, but, as a result, I have experienced a change for the better. That in itself is a miracle.
In fact, I have experienced much of what the woman, who wrote Freedom From Bondage did. She said, “I get everything I need in Alcoholics Anonymous–and everything I need I get. And when I get what I need, I invariably find that it was just what I wanted all the time.” Talk about the spiritual awakening.
I was talking to a friend of mine and said that today I am glad that I am an alcoholic. I don’t know what would have become of me if I hadn’t. All I know is that I am and it was that which forced me to come to AA and experience a way of life, which was way beyond my comprehension. It is more wonderful than I can describe. And to think it is all the result of pain.
It’s funny to think how grateful I can get over pain.
Just thinking.