Over a life time, I have known a lot of fear. So much has gone on. Wars, economic failures, change in Govt., just a lot of stuff. But most of my fears have been from my inability to stay in the present. So often my mind gets to wandering and worrying about all kinds of stuff. Nothing in reality, but just what’s in my head.
I was talking to a couple of friends today. They each had their own kind of fears, but really the same fear we all get. That fear, which comes, when it’s all about us. That self centered fear, which Bill talks about in the Seventh Step. The one which kicks off our character defects.
I’ve learned over time that it’s mandatory for me to stick with my primary purpose. To stay sober and help someone else. There was a time, when that it was possible that my primary purpose might have been something else. But once I crossed that line and became an alcoholic everything changed forever.
I look back at all of this and think how fortunate I was that I did cross that line. I have no idea what my life might have been like if I hadn’t. But I do know what it’s like today. Because I became an alcoholic, I had to struggle with trying to stop drinking. And, because I am an alcoholic, I found the solution to my drinking problem in this program. And it was here in this program that I found a Higher Power, the God of my understanding. And it was in this program that I found the means to change my whole life through the 12 Steps.
The program and the people in it have shown me that the most important thing I can do today is not to take that first drink. My primary purpose comes before all things. Doesn’t matter whether it’s an argument, a fight, an illness, a broken relationship, unpaid bills, the need of a job, or whatever. It’s first things first. Whatever it takes to maintain my sobriety always comes first.
I realize today that sobriety is the best thing that ever happened in my life. There might have been a time, when it might have been a successful career in some field of my choosing. But alcohol took those opportunities away. I’ll never know and I’m at peace with that. This program provided me with a peace and serenity I never knew before.
But the program did more than just provide me with a new peace and a new freedom. It gave me the tools to deal with whatever fear borne plague with which I might be confronted. It gave me people, like myself, with whom I can share whatever is bothering me. And, if I listen to their experience with this same stuff, I can find a way out of my dilemmas. Moreover, if I am able to maintain my spiritual condition, no matter how imperfectly, I can remain sober and live a happily whole and useful life.
I was thinking how great it is to be an alcoholic. I am truly grateful.