What is it that has helped me to stay sober? Besides the 12 Steps and my higher power, I would have to say it is regular attendance at meetings. That old saying “meeting makers make it”, seems to be true. At least for me.
I was talking to an old friend today, who reminded me of what my sponsor told me early on about meetings. He pointed out to me the lengths I would go to to get a drink. He was right. I can well remember walking through a snowstorm with pneumonia to get a drink. No kidding.
I’ve even driven through a hurricane, with trees blowing down all around, to find an open bar to get a drink. Would I be willing to at least go through my excuses not to go to a meeting and go anyway?
I can well appreciate others, who don’t feel like going to a meeting and finding themselves drifting down into a habit of not going to meetings. I’ve been there myself. I’ve heard others talking about how hard it is, after a period of time, to get motivated to once again attend meetings. From their rationalizing that they don’t need meetings, because they’re still staying sober without them, to feelings of embarrassment and unease to return to meetings after a long absence.
The truth for me is that I have discovered that, unsupported by others and the daily reminders I have gotten through the attendance at meetings, I begin to forget what it is that has helped me stay sober. As the saying goes, I have a quick forgetter. I know that I’m on a slippery slope when I stop going to meetings, when I can help it. I’ve certainly gotten all the evidence I need from others, who have stopped going to meetings. If they haven’t taken a drink, when they do return, the insanity of alcoholism has returned.
One of the first things, I know from my own experience, is that the “We” of the program begins to fade. I forget that I can’t do this alone. No one is around to remind me of who and what I am; an alcoholic, who is powerless over alcohol and a lot of other things, like an unmanageable life. The need for a spiritual life begins to fade quickly. And then my mind begins to revert back to what it once was. My character defects begin to come to the surface and start to take over my life. It didn’t take long, as I remember. Fortunately for me my children were living with me at the time and they all said, “Dad, go to a meeting!” That woke me up from my self imposed coma and got me back on the path once again.
No, I have to remember why I came here and what attendance at meetings have meant in my staying sober. The truth is that I love going to meetings now. They are an essential part of my day. I know now that I go to them out of gratitude for what was so freely given to me. It offers me an opportunity to return to others the message I was once given back when I came in. It’s a reminder of Tradition One: Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on AA unity. It does for me.