This business of staying sober is really very simple, when I sit down and think about it. But it does involve me in having to do the footwork along the way. One of the things I was thinking about was this business of the 2nd Step, coming to believe, and the 3rd Step, the concept of the God of our understanding. In short, accepting the idea of entering into a spiritual way of life and then doing it.
After many mistakes, Bill W. came to the conclusion that it’s a very individual matter. After the program began, Bill tried to persuade people to believe as he did. The result was, as he said, he drove many away doing that, and had many regrets. He said it was his spiritual pride that was in play during that time. Later he wrote the words in the BB, about this higher power and the God of our understanding, “as long as it makes sense to him”. In other words, the whole process and conclusions we reach is a very private and individual matter. How and what I achieve is in the evidence of my sober life.
I went back and glanced at the description Bill painted of that landmark event, when Bill and Ebby T. were sitting at his kitchen table. The thoughts Bill was thinking about, as he looked at Ebby sitting across from him. He was aghast that this man had, as Ebby said, gotten religion. But it was Ebby’s next words, which opened the door to Bill and all who would follow him and began the foundation of what was to become AA. “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God.” Later, as the BB was being written, the “former” atheist, who had driven so many crazy in those early days, who seemed to have had a conversion as the result of his having had a slip, insisted that in the 3rd Step, that the words “the God of our understanding” be written. A friend of mine always says they were the five words which saved AA.
Why am I taking time to write all of this? Because of my agnostic tendencies and my intellectualy arrogant rebellious nature were put into neutral gear, as a result of what happened between Bill and Ebby. When I finally stopped analyzing and wrestling with the idea of a higher power, other than myself, and finally came to realize what was open to me, I began to take the first steps toward change. I was able to change my mind. I was free to choose and think as I wanted to. I could believe anything I wanted. I had found the solution to my drinking problem and became willing to enter into the realm of the spirit. I could get sober.
That was just the beginning. So much more has been given to me as a result of those moments of surrender. It turned out to be a process I have never regretted and for which I am so grateful. It’s still a process in action today. I can’t help but think of others, who have gone through this process and I see everyday. The evidence of their convictions is so clear. They’re all sober. And to think it all went back to that moment in Bill’s kitchen, when Ebby spoke those words to Bill.
Anyway, I was thinking about that today. How fortunate I am and all those like myself, who have found this way to sobriety and are living it a day at a time.