Back a few years, people would say about someone, “What a character”, or “That guy is a real character”. Sometimes it was said for laughs, and sometimes it was just plain sarcasm. Other times people would say it in a meaningful way; “That man has character”. Meaning, I guess, that he was what is called a “stand up guy”.
Anyway, I was thinking about the word “character” today. Mainly as it relates to my alcoholism and sobriety.The reason I thought about this was an examination of my own character. This was sparked by a couple of incidents, which caused me to take a look. The 10th Step.
I have to tell you that I grew up in a family in which character meant a lot. But, when I picked up that drink, it all changed. By the time I got to this program, I had totally bankrupted whatever character I might have had. In other words, I was without character.
The job I was faced with in AA was to build up and restore that character I needed to stay sober.
Generally I believe the 12 Steps and the good people I have met in AA have helped me to rebuild my moral, ethical, and spiritual life. Sometimes, when I say something, others might shake their heads and say, “What a character”. But it’s often in good humor. Or so I think. But there are still some things about my character that give me pause. Things which could trip me up and possibly put me at hazard in my journey to stay sober.
Today I had a flash of a near resentment. When I paused to deal with this, I saw something in myself. What I saw came from my past as a child. Although I’m a child of the Great Depression and my family was greatly affected by it, I was nevertheless spoiled. By what I don’t know. But I always wanted my own way. Of course that never worked, until I began to drink. Alcohol unleashed my desire to get my own way. It was all about me. And I brought that into AA with me.
I know this is something to be worked on. In fact, I know it has been diminished over time. But just the flash of recognizing it again today stopped me in my tracks. I want to stay sober. That’s why I came here. Getting my own way through my drinking alcohol almost destroyed me.
Fortunately for this alcoholic the program provides many avenues to change my character from what it was. The main one for me is by reaching out to others and putting my own wants aside for the good of someone else. My sponsor showed me how by what he said, but mostly by his example. It was his quiet humility that showed me the way.
I remember one night, when his wife called me and asked me to come over and talk to him. He had forgotten that he could not get his brother sober, but was getting ready to go over to Baltimore anyway. I simply said to him that I knew what he would say to me, if the shoe was on the other foot and I thought he ought to go to a meeting at home with me. He just looked at me and smiled and said okay. And we did. As much as he really wanted to go, he recognized the truth of what was being said and let go of it. I have never forgotten that act of humility. Him listening to the one he sponsored. Being willing to give up what he wanted to do and then doing the next right thing.
It’s all about change. It’s all about sobriety, which for me means change.