Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend in this program. One of things, which came up, was learning to mind our own business.
It is always a hazard for me, among any large group of people, that I will run into someone or some that I will find with whom I have personality clashes. After all, I’m not always going to like everyone I meet. How many times I have seen this through the years. People I’ve known, who have developed resentments over others in the group. Unfortunately a lot of them have gotten drunk as a result. Others have left the groups I was in and formed new groups or just never returned.
Oh, that’s right, I’m talking about me. Fortunately I had a great sponsor, who showed me the way to handle these things. Not perfectly, but at least showed me by word and example how to get along and not pick up a drink.
The first thing he did was to tell me that I was to keep my mouth shut and my hands in my pockets. A figure of speech, of course. But one that taught me how to conduct myself in relationships. Through the years, it has worked and kept my mind on what is important. He told me that I was never to let anyone personality drive me from my place in the group. He said that I had paid a high price to sit at the tables of AA. I was there not to argue but to stay sober.
He also told me that what I think of anyone is not their business, nor what they thought of me (or I suspected they thought) was none of mine.
Gossip about others (I shudder when I think about my past), is never acceptable. Bill talks about character assassination. Just the guilt from such a session is enough to put my sobriety in peril.
Probably the greatest help I have ever received in this matter, was, whenever it was feasible, to go to a person I resented and talk to them about my resentment. My sponsor had me do that a number of times. I was often surprised that, when I did, that we became good friends as the result. Amazing what can happen, if I truly want to stay sober.
Learning to mind my own business has not been easy for me. This alcoholic has found that does not come naturally to me. Quite the opposite. I have a mouse pad on my desk which is a constant reminder to me of this. It’s a water color drawing done by my 7 year old granddaughter, given to me as a gift. It’s a child’s imagined idea of a dog, chasing a cat up a tree. But it tells me a lot about what I can be like, if I don’t mind my own business.
I guess what I was thinking about is what my real business is. My business is what it always has been since I came into this program. It is to stay sober. Anything else is not my business. Likes or dislikes, irritations, flashes of anger and resentments, are poison for me. I was taught to avoid them like the proverbial plague. Not easy at times, but do-able, if I am aware.
The key for me, to all of this, is the spiritual axiom in the 10th Step. Whenever I’m disturbed, there is something wrong with me. Just being disturbed should be enough to get me to ask for help. From my higher power, of course, but from a sponsor or close friend in this program. That kind of help can and often does clear this alcoholic mind of what is troubling to me and my sobriety.
If nothing else works, the example of others, who got drunk, as a result of this kind of thing, should be able to wake me up. I pray I never have to go there and I won’t, if I do what is necessary for me. Work this program, as I was shown, and try to practice these principles in all of my affairs.