A friend of mine said to me today, that he was once told that there is no depth to the changes we can make in this program. We have the choice to go as far as we want to go. Put it another way, an old timer once told me that the program opens us to unlimited horizons.
As I have come to understand it, knowing that the same man will drink again, that the Steps provide me with a spiritual awakening, which will change me so that I can be restored to sanity; the solution to my alcohol problem. I am placed in a position of neutrality. I don’t think about a drink or desire a drink. And all this is dependent on my higher power, not me. As long as I am able to maintain my spiritual condition on a daily basis, I am freed from the power alcohol had over me.
That change is basic to me through the help I have received from this program. Yet there could be more change available to me, if I am willing to go forward in developing a relationship with the God of my understanding. Every time I find myself in distress, or pain, up against a brick wall in my sobriety, the opportunity is there for me to continue to grow along spiritual lines. It’s called surrender and acceptance.
I can resist this invitation to grow. Sometimes I have. Just an indication to me of my self will. However, as I have come to know it, a lot of this has to do with my being powerless to achieve emotional maturity. The stuff that never showed up on my list of character defects in my inventory. It wasn’t until I reached the 8th Step in the 12&12 that I got a clue. I can’t tell how many times I have had to go back and think about what Bill said.
It was when he was talking about the stuff below the level of consciousness. And even then I had to get help to get some understanding of what that might be.
All I know is that I don’t have to continue repetition of the things, which have caused me the stress and pain. There is the “discipline of surrender”, which Dr. Harry Tiebout talks about. He’s the psychiatrist, who early on became a supporter of this program. The man who talked about ego deflation in depth. The word discipline is something I have a difficult time with, let alone surrender.
However, over time in this program, I have come to know that behind every “problem” I have run into in this program, there is a drink waiting. That’s where the help from others in the program comes in. My higher power acting through the sober members of this program. There is never the thought of a drink in all of this. But that’s exactly what Jim in the BB said. Still no thought of a drink. Yet I have seen that same thing happen to so many, who were examples of sobriety to me. I know that I’m not immune and why it’s so important to seek the counsel of others.
I was reminded of this today, when the subjects of humility and fear of economic insecurity were brought up. I had to think about the promises and where I stood with them and where I am in my willingness to surrender and depend on my higher power rather than myself. It’s all about staying sober. It always is.