The aftermath of an emotional binge is talked about in the 12&12 in the 10th Step. Wow! Did I ever have a hangover from one of those this week.
I had allowed several “small” irritations to build up within me. I think I thought that they weren’t worthy of discussion with anyone. Then came Sun., with all the anger around me. My response within to that was anger. And that led to a near explosion, which I didn’t give into, but there was this near implosion within me. Fortunately I was able to dump it that night, but the “binge” had already taken place. And on Mon. and Tues. there was the hangover.
You’d think I’d have learned after all this time not to hold stuff like that in. But I did. And I paid the penalty. The one thing I’m really grateful for is that it didn’t lead to a drink. That may sound silly, but I don’t think so. I’m not immune to being an alcoholic. I’m still powerless over alcohol and I have seen the results of this kind of stuff over the years. Others I know have drank over less stuff.
That doesn’t make me superior over them. I was just fortunate. I really didn’t think about a drink. But that has been said before, by people who did drink. My good fortune came in people who were willing to listen to my inventory.
I was reminded of that tonight. Someone said that the thought of taking drink came to them at dinner tonight, when they caught a whiff of the alcohol someone sitting at the table was drinking. For a moment they said the drink was really attractive to them. I almost knew what they were saying was true. I know it happened to me once many years ago and I pray that it never happens again.
Experience of my own and that of many others has shown me that I can’t afford not to be open about what’s within me, regardless of the fact it may not show on the surface. There is a price. The aftermath, that emotional hangover this week, demonstrated that loud and clear. It is also proof to me of the value of others in this program. Men and women, who are ready, willing, and able to listen and then, in return, offer wise counsel from their own experiences.
Anyway, after a number of calls and conversations I had with others in the last couple of days, I had to stop and think about this today. I am so grateful for my higher power, who allowed me to get sober, and provided me with so many good sober people in this program