I have a lot going on in my head tonight, as the result of talking to a number of others in this program. All this sharing. Some emptying themselves of what they’ve been holding onto for a long time. Like my sponsor always said, a problem shared is a problem cut in half. Elbow room to work on the problem instead of being pushed up against the wall in our heads and not being able to move.
Just a few minutes ago, I was thinking about an old friend. He had ten years, when he drank again. I remember he came to me after he got sober again. He told his story to me about how his first five years he had spent working the Steps. His next five years were spent in resentments at home and at the meetings, which he stopped going to because of how he felt. And then he drank.
He told me that he picked up the drink 5 years before he drank it. He had lost the program in a flash. Though he had recovered, this last drinking session is what killed him. He was dead within the year of his return.
I couldn’t help but think of him, because he exemplified how we complicate and expand our problems beyond their limits.
Our emotions take over and turn a molehill into a mountain. Anger, resentments, jealousy, fear, hatred, are just a few of these, but the results can be the same. For me anyway. And others I listened to today.
That’s why it’s so important to share my “problems” with someone else. Usually a sponsor or some sober member of this program, who can help me get things back down to their right size. Had my old friend done that he might not have drank again. Doesn’t make me superior to him. It’s just that I have been fortunate to have had others, who showed me the way to work this program.
Anyway, I just had to stop and think about these things. Think about them with gratitude, because I am sober. No better and no worse than those I have talked to over time. And gratitude to my higher power, who has helped me through things I could never have handled on my own.