I had to laugh at myself today, when one man reminded us that this is a simple program for complicated people. Who me?
It’s not often I think about this. I mean it is simple. Just follow the directions given me, work these Steps and what follows is sobriety. A wonderful way of life. In fact, life itself and not the chaos that was once my life, when drinking.
Yet there’s that alcoholic way of thinking. Analyzing everything. Not satisfied with the answers I was given. Having to investigate everything I’m told. In reality, I know what was suggested to me is true. The evidence in my life and those I see in the program bears this out. But not me. I have to complicate things.
Part of that I’m sure is due to my fears or anxiety. Not quite done with these it seems. For instance, here it is nearing the Christmas Holiday. What am I thinking? Maybe the presents I brought for others will displease them. Maybe I won’t have enough money to cover the cost of some of them. The idea of projection and not just staying in today.
Probably the biggest item in my complicating things is when I think about the spiritual life. The simplest thing I can do is to accept what has been given to me. But no. I have to examine everything under a microscope. What if? What about this? And so on.
Not all the time. For the most part I live a happy and free life. Free from the call of alcohol. Free from the problems I created in the past. However, on the other hand, my thoughts, encumbered by my old ideas and fueled by my negative feelings or emotions, start that taking things apart and then projecting. Complicating the simplest of things.
What saves me is talking to others, who are prone to do the same thing. That’s followed by their example of how not to continue that line of thinking. Then they remind me that I’m still human and still suffer from the -ism of my disease. And the simple thing to do is to surrender and accept the real me. To return to my higher power and ask for help. Again, the simple answer is spiritual in nature.
Like I said, I have to laugh at my silliness. I know it comes from me wanting to tell myself just how smart I am. That I know better and can figure things out for myself. Oh, that’s right, it’s called ego or being self centered.
I’m truly grateful that man said what he said. It’s a reminder to take a deep breath and step back and let go and let God do for me what I can’t do for myself. It’s that simple.