I was reminded today about half measures, how they avail us nothing. That was me early on.
What changed that for me was guilt and remorse. It drove me through the 3rd and 4th Steps and into the 5th. It introduced me to the rest of the Steps and brought about a revolution within in me, which changed my whole life.
I think what kept me here, even though I was in a struggle with myself, was the fact that I wanted sobriety desperately. I wanted to be sober. And even though I had this insane resistance, I kept at it and wouldn’t quit.
Later, after the meeting, a group of us were talking about what takes so many away from this program. The first thing everyone said was that many don’t want this program. That’s sad, but often the truth.
I look back at what I have received from being sober in this program and realize what a miracle this program brought into my life. Without it I wouldn’t be here today. I can honestly say that this program is the best thing that happened in my life. I’ve heard others say the same thing.
Just the thought of what has happened to me makes me glad that I became an alcoholic. Without this disease I don’t know what would have happened in my life. What I do know is that it radically changed me. First off, I learned something I didn’t know. I learned how to live life for the first time. I learned how to be friends with others and have been able to maintain those friendships through all these years.
I learned about being of service to others. I learned that from all those 12th Step calls we used to go on with other alcoholics. Going to institutions and talking to other alcoholics. Freely giving away what was so freely given to us. Plus the fact that it was all these things, which insured our sobriety, every time we would do them.
But, as always, I think about the spiritual awakenings, which happened in my life, which transformed my attitudes, my thinking, my motives, and the way of life I live today.
All this, because at some point I stopped trying to short cut what I was doing in here and made a decision to go full boat with this program. And without the aid and assistance of my sponsor and a lot of those old timers, I doubt I would have gotten very far. I owe them so much. Hopefully I try to do the same.
Just in thinking about this brings up a lot of gratitude within me. Gratitude to all those in here, who have given me so much and still continue to do so. And gratitude to my higher power, who has given me so much. The truth is that I’m sober in spite of myself. Left to my own devices, I wouldn’t be where I am today.