Went to an anniversary meeting tonight. Good speakers and it was great to listen and find identity with them.
But what got me was to run into a couple of people I have known for a long time, who had a hard time getting sober. They were sober tonight and had been for a while. One of them talked to me about how difficult a time it was for him to get his ego down to size, so that he could grab hold of what this program offered. I told him what Dr. Bob had said, that the ego dies hard. And he enthusiastically nodded his head and said, isn’t that the truth.
And there it is. My biggest problem. Getting out of my way. If anything gives me difficulties in this sober way of life, it’s me. I ask for help with that everyday. I think I’m finally getting better with it, but that’s my thinking. I hope I am.
Ego deflation in depth. I remember my sponsor and a lot of old timers used to puncture that balloon I call my ego. They deflated me a lot in my early years in the program. And the truth was I became very grateful that they did. They would cut me down to size in a few words. It helped to get me out of my own way, so that I could hear what they were trying to help me to learn about this way of life.
A power greater than myself. I think about that often. It’s what got me sober. It’s what keeps me sober. Being right size is what I need. I need to remember I’m not in charge. That I have to remember how much I depend on my higher power. I still say those words from the BB, of myself I am nothing, my Father doth the works. For years I would say that often during the day. And I often do today. To back off and let God be God and Ned be Ned.
Tonight was a great night for me. It reminded me of what sobriety is all about. Identifying with drunks just like myself, who, by the grace of their higher powers are sober also. I need that and the examples of their humility. I am so grateful for AA and my sobriety.