What was it that finally got me on this path to sobriety? I mean besides my introduction into a spiritual way of life. The 12 Steps of course. But what about them?
That was part of the meeting today, when an alcoholic asked about change. That was a big part of the meeting today. It was about changing from the “bad” things in my life and turning to the “good”. Changing the way I thought and the way I acted. Easier said than done.
With the help of my sponsor and a lot of other people in the program I began to watch how they lived and how they acted. And my first attempt was what my sponsor said to me. He told me to “act as if”. And of course that began to open my mind and to think about what I was doing.
Easy to guess that there was a lot of stuff down within me. Also a lot of bad habits I had developed over my years drinking. And, like the unmanageable life I came in with, some probably before I even picked up a drink. A lot of housecleaning. And a million or so thoughts during that time.
Additionally there were my character defects. I struggled with the 6th and 7th Steps. And still find myself doing that.
There was my intellectualizing that constantly got in my way. My thinking I knew best. My resistance to “advice”. My trying to rationalize what I thought was not so bad and trying to make it fit into this new way of life. A total lack of humility and acceptance.
Then there was a huge bump in the road and that was my emotional life, which could make me find myself thinking and acting almost like I was, when I was out there drinking. A huge challenge for someone like me. To learn to grow up emotionally.
All this took time. Years. And it’s still going on even after all this time in here. But it definitely is a huge part in my sober life. Changing and accepting. I often look around the rooms and listen to people struggling and hear their impatience. Their wanting to get rid of the burden of their own struggles. I often want to tell them that it takes patience. But was I any different than them at their point in sobriety? I think not.
And, oh yeah, it took all the things I often talk about. Hope that I could get better. Faith and belief in a Higher Power and a dependency on the help that comes from that relationship, whatever it is for each one of us. It took going to meetings, listening, gaining in understanding. And finally perseverance. Hanging in and not quitting despite how we think or feel.
Anyway, as we talked about this today, it raised a lot of thoughts. And it’s all about sobriety.