Honesty, open mindedness, willingness. How did that ever begin to happen? The truth is that it wasn’t what I was thinking about in the beginning. Then how did it begin for me?
It is exactly the same thing, which brought me to ask God to stop me from drinking. Pain. Pain I was later told was the touchstone of all spiritual growth. How true that is for this chronic alcoholic.
It’s like acceptance. How did I ever get to accept God’s will for me. Pain, of course. Every time I get wrapped up in me, my problems, my thinking of self. I find that, when I’ve gone too far, when I’m too angry, upset, thinking about the future or the past, worried, and anxious, that the sheer pain of it drives me to surrender and accept.
I read the pamphlet Acceptance last night before I fell asleep. It reminded me of what I need to keep practicing this program in my life today. And, as I sat meditating on acceptance this afternoon, I remembered what the author said about the pain, which is necessary to get us to accept what it is that I need to do. To let go and let God. The Serenity Prayer. The serenity to accept what it is I cannot change.
Anyway, it is a good reminder to me to do the simplest of things. To stay in the now, the present moment. It’s all I have and exactly what I need. And to leave the rest in the hands of my Higher Power and to give thanks for all which has been given to me. This sober life with which I have been blessed.