Today I was reminded of a number of things. Three of them were me, myself, and I. My ego and my self centered nature. That’s what I brought into this program. I couldn’t get out of my own way. I was once told that it was a wonder anyone else had room on this planet. My ego was so big it almost encompassed this planet.
The reason this came to mind was what a relatively newly sober person brought up the subject restless, irritable, and discontented. That was me in the beginning. Here I was in a place where they wanted me to live a spiritual way of life and get some humility. In other words to step aside from myself, to get a power greater than myself and to begin to think of others. A tall order from someone so involved with himself.
The answer to all of this, including my primary purpose, was the Second Step. That’s where it all began for me. And it was not an overnight task. It was going to take time. But I learned that if I wanted to get sober and stay sober I was going to have to roll up my sleeves and work this program. All these Steps were going to play a big part in diminishing the overwhelming image I had of myself. Through these Steps and the rest of this program I began to learn that this was possible.
Every morning, when I say the Third Step prayer, those words, “relieve me of the bondage of self”, always get my attention. It states so clearly what it is that is always present to trip me up along the way. Me, myself, and I. And it reminds me of what it is I must do the rest of the day. To put my primary purpose first, last, and always. To get out of my own way. To stay sober and to help another alcoholic.
That’s what I was thinking about, when responding to this “new” person about being restless, irritable, and discontented. In fact many, who spoke to her, said the same thing. That, if we wanted to get better and get over this kind of thinking, we had to get our egos under control. In fact it’s us doing to us what we’re complaining about. Negative thinking brought on by our constant thinking of ourselves and blaming everyone and every thing for how we feel. Not recognizing it’s our own fault.
I could go on and write a book about this subject. All about me. But I know for this woman, as it was for me and so many of us, that time takes time. It’s going to take perseverance, hope, faith, and finally love to defeat this aggravation within. But it’s possible. It’s worked for me and so many, many others like myself.
And like so many said this morning, prayer and meditation. If I can get out of my own way and spend some time listening to my Higher Power and then going to a meeting to hear what I could not in the silence within me.
Anyway still thinking about staying sober. Love it.