While riding with a friend in the program today, he brought up the topic of the meeting yesterday. Expectations. He told me he tries never to have expectations, because eventually they could lead to resentments and he doesn’t want to go there. He told me that is what can lead to a drink again. Amen to that. I’ve seen that too many times over time.
We both talked about expectations and their effects on us. Three results of expectations are anxiety, fear, and worry, while we’re waiting for whatever is supposed to happen. And, if expectations are not met, then comes anger and resentment. We both could agree on that. It has been our experience in the past.
I thought about that, when I got home today. Are my expectations in the past? They have been for a long time now. That’s because I was taught to get rid of them before they come up. I can do this, if I can stay in the present and don’t go beyond today. I know it’s difficult, but my sponsor and others told me I had to learn to practice discipline. It’s taken time, but it has helped so much.
Whenever I find myself drifting into the future I’m to tell myself to stop and get back into the present. I was thinking about this the other day, after talking to someone, who is struggling with working the Steps. I know it’s worry, anxiety, fear, projecting what will happen. What if I were to do the Fourth Step for instance? What will people think of me, if they find out? If I find out? What will the one who hears it think or say? How do I know that? Been there. And I’ve talked to others about this over time. Same thing.
Avoiding expectations takes time and effort. Like I was thinking, it isn’t easy. But I can pray and ask for help. I can and have talked to others, who have gone through the same thing. For me it’s part of learning to practice these principles in all of my affairs. Because expectations can affect my affairs, especially, if I end up angry and resentful.
And for me and my friend it’s part of trying to live this spiritual life on a day to day basis, in order to stay sober. I know from results that, if I eliminate expectations, I have often been pleasantly surprised. I’ve seen this over and over.
Anyway I just had to sit down and think about this tonight. That’s because I want to stay sober. I never want to go back to drinking alcohol. The only way I know of doing this is to practice this program a day at a time. To pray and meditate. To have faith in and rely on my Higher Power. To share with others like me and listen. To go to meetings and listen, like my friend did yesterday, when the topic came up.
And one more thing. I was reminded that doing this is what keeps it simple in my mind.