It is difficult to put down in words a meditation. What I was thinking, or better yet, not thinking. A little of this is part of that.
Earlier I talked to a good friend in this program, who had just gone through a difficult time. He had gotten caught up in his emotions and got lost within. I’ve been there and know what that is like. To get caught up in fear, worry, anxiety about the past and the future. I’ve talked to people over the years, who have gone through the very same thing. Easy to do, when we forget why we are here.
We talked about getting our minds back to our primary purpose. To stay sober and help another alcoholic. To go to meetings and talk with others, who can help us get back on the path to sober living. And to never forget our relationship with our Higher Power. To remember all the help we have been given. The gift of hope followed by faith and trust. And eventually love. And to remember to be grateful for all that we have received.
It’s always a mystery to me how my mind can slide so easily into complacent thoughts. Everything going so well and find myself slipping into forgetfulness. And then suddenly finding myself lost. Again the emotions taking over and ruling my thinking and my life.
The answer is always the same. The Steps. The spiritual solution. To get back on track. To become conscious of where my feet are. To stay in the now. The Eleventh Step. The Second and the Third. The often forgotten Sixth and Seventh. My character defects.
All of this is a reminder to me that I’m not responsible for my getting here and getting sober. But, as my old sponsor told me, I am responsible to maintain it. To stay sober a day at a time and to put this program into action daily. To pray in the morning and give thanks at night.
I went back and looked at the directions my sponsor’s widow gave to a friend of mine. Put yourself first. My sobriety has to be number one on my list and I must never forget that. If I do what the BB recommended, that eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety I will pay attention and be aware.
That’s enough. Just grateful for all I have been given.