Talking to a friend today and at the meeting the subject of resentments came up. If I’m not mistaken the word comes from the Latin meaning to re-feel. And that, as another friend reminded us, is exactly what we do over and over again.
But it’s more than that. Expectations. What did we expect and what did we get? Not good. Anger. And what is that all about? For us alcoholics, as the BB states there is no such thing as justifiable anger. It also tells us that resentments are the most common cause of us drinking again. And for me that means death. Sadly I’ve seen this over and over again.
When I look at resentments the first thing which comes to mind, if I’m honest with myself, is self pity. Feeling sorry for myself, because whatever it is I get is deeply disappointing. I can try to justify it by saying it’s the result of my being made angry. Someone else’s fault?
That’s what I would like to think. The trouble is that I know better. How? I learned to check it out in the Tenth Step. The spiritual axiom in the 12&12. Whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me. That’s always proved out, if I will get honest with myself.
Of course there is a solution to the problem with resentments. It’s spiritual. For me it began with working the Twelve Steps. Especially, for me, it was that Ninth Step. It freed me from years of resentments. I had a spiritual awakening at that point. I was restored to sanity, as far as alcohol was concerned. Never forgot that moment.
However over time I have found taking this to my Higher Power is always the solution. Plus I have the privilege of sharing it with a fellow member in this program. That old statement from my sponsor, that a problem shared is a problem cut in half. In most cases it is the end of carrying these things around with me.
The person, who brought this up today, is fairly new in the program. How well I remember those early days, when I was filled with my emotions. The roller coaster rides. The ups and downs of my feelings and emotions. But I was told to stick with it and not quit. To keep coming back and keep on trying. To persevere no matter what. The old story, that time takes time.
The first thing after coming in is to get well physically. Or, at least, to get a start on this. The next step is to begin to recover mentally. And that takes time, because the emotions covered both the physical and mental problems I was faced with. And finally, gradually, the spiritual life was begun. But, like I said, all this did not happen overnight. I had to learn first be able to do something I never could do before. To practice patience. Difficult I found, but do-able.
I could understand what he was saying and what he was going through. I think we all know that only too well. He got a lot of understanding. The thing is to be willing to do what we, I, had to do.There are no instant answers. I don’t know if I was looking for an instant miracle or what. I don’t think I did. I often just gritted my teeth and kept on trying. And in time it worked.
Just grateful to get another example for me on how this program has worked. For others and for me. Have a lot of gratitude to my Higher Power and the people in this program. And, of course, the program itself.