One thing I notice about discussion meetings, as opposed to the Steps study meetings, is the tendency to call on “new people” to discuss what they don’t know. It reminds me of what happened to me, when I also was new. And that word “new” relates to the word “knew”.
I was talking at a meeting and sharing what I “knew”. All of a sudden, from way down at the end of the room, this old timer shouts at me. He asks me if I have worked the Steps and this program. Of course I hadn’t. I really didn’t know what he was talking about. He then said to me that if I hadn’t I needed to shut up and listen. He told me that I knew how to drink, but I didn’t know how to get sober, and that if I would just keep my mouth shut I might learn from those, who had the experience of working this program, how I could get sober and stay sober.
A lot of that was going on in the meeting today. People, who didn’t know that they didn’t know. They only thought they did. Thank my Higher Power that is what my sponsor pointed out to me early on. I didn’t know that I didn’t know. And he showed me how to keep my opinions to myself and listen to those old timers, who definitely knew what they were talking about.
The meeting was about how to stay sober and not take that next drink. It was a mixture of barely knowing and not knowing. All of a sudden this thought came to mind. The BB. That old joke about, if you want to hide something from the alcoholic, hide it in the BB. They’ll never look for it there. In fact they won’t even look in the BB. That seemed to be true today.
Why I thought of that was a warning the BB gives us about avoiding taking that next drink. It’s in the Chapter More About Alcoholism. At the very end of that chapter it tells about something most of those fairly new don’t know about. But it was something I and a lot of us experienced. Scary to say the least.
The warning says that at certain times the alcoholic has no mental defense against the first drink. Nada. None. Like I said, I didn’t. And that except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. Even though I think I got off the hook on that one, I was fortunate. But, like it says, his defense must come from a Higher Power. And mine did.
Probably what was wrong with me at the time, about a year and a half “sober”, I was probably suffering from complacency, satisfied that everything was okay and I knew everything, I ran into this situation. I was out to dinner with my in laws. They were all having a drink. I really didn’t mind, because I wasn’t thinking about a drink.
After dinner the owner of the restaurant, a family friend, invited the men to go to the beer locker and help themselves. It was on the house. They did and, knowing I wasn’t drinking, they tossed me a can of Coke. I caught it and suddenly found myself in a rage. All of a sudden I wanted to drink so badly that I would have killed anyone, who tried to stop me.
Where did that come from? I mean a minute before I was content with my sobriety and wasn’t thinking about a drink. Then without any warning here I was desperate to get a drink of alcohol. I didn’t have an effective mental defense against that first drink. Never saw it coming. Totally unprepared. Maybe it’s because I still believed I knew everything, when I didn’t have a clue.
Fortunately my wife was there and told me to step outside and say a prayer. Thankfully I listened and did. I prayed for help from my Higher Power and the thought went away. But that was a wake up call. I knew I had just missed a close call. Something like that night that man in the bar shot at the back of my head point blank. Not once but twice and missed. Talk about miraculous.
Anyway listening to all that “wisdom” today reminded me of what it was like for me, when I was relatively “new” and “knew” it all. How the sound of complacency still gives me chills and that was a long, long time ago. But the warning is still close to my thoughts.
Thinking about staying sober from alcohol. It’s what it’s all about.