The last couple of days have been upside down. I came down with something, which knocked me over and have to see a doctor tomorrow. Plus my computer was in trouble and I had to have it checked out. It’s done now. And, because of being under the weather, I haven’t been to a meeting all week. That always is a feeling of loss for me.
And I guess that has been one of the things I have been thinking about. Meetings have been right near the center of my program since I came in. It was at my first meeting that I found hope and a feeling of coming home. What an unexpected gift that was. I never want to forget that moment and what happened.
Then the old timers at my home group, when I first arrived there, newly sober (dry), told me that I needed to go to a meeting everyday. They didn’t say 90 days back then, just everyday. Added to that was the urging to go to several meetings, if I could. And of course I couldn’t. For one thing there weren’t a lot of meetings around back then. But I did try to get to a meeting everyday.
I remember, as time went on, that meetings became more and more confusing for me. That’s because I had it in my mind never to drink again, but that was all. As far as working the program, I had decided that I didn’t want to. I felt not drinking was enough. So my hearing was shut down. I didn’t listen and as a result didn’t understand what was being said, I just thought I did. And that’s when I was told to shut up and listen. Not only that, I was told that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And that was true. Besides my sponsor told me that I was educated beyond my intelligence. Looking back I can understand that.
When I finally agreed to work the Second Step, there was no argument from me about the First Step, things began to happen. And when I finally got through the Third, I began to learn what they were trying to say at meetings. Again, looking back, I can see how amazing that was for me.
Then I learned from my sponsor and those old timers that I can’t stay sober by myself. I need to go to meetings regularly, whether I feel like it or not. Most of the time I feel like going. It has worked so well for me that it makes me happy most of the time. I get so much help and understanding from those at the meetings. And sometimes I get to help others like myself. Like they say, meeting makers make it. Only, I believe, if they have been working this program.
Too often I have seen too many pull away from meetings. They stop coming. Sometimes I have heard that they became complacent, thinking they were doing so well that they didn’t need the meetings or the program. And, of course, there are those horrible resentments, which pull people out of the rooms and into a bar. Seen that over and over.
But in meetings I find the door opening to the spiritual life within me. And I remember hearing the spiritual life is not a theory. It has to be lived. It is there I get to hear others talking about practicing this program in their lives and it gives me hope and inspiration to do likewise. I learn so much.
And always being reminded and often reintroduced to my Higher Power.
I was thinking about some of this and other stuff today. But this is enough for me for now. It reminds me of why I am here. To stay sober and to live a spiritual life, as I understand it. Makes me grateful.