One of the things, which was raised today, was the word “fear”. I know that I could identify with that, when I came in, as did quite a few, who spoke today.
By the time I got to this program alcohol had so torn me down that I was full of fear and despair. I could not even describe what my fears were. They just were governing my emotions. One thing I do remember was that I felt alone and lost in loneliness, even though I still had a family at that time.
However the sober alcoholics in the program, when I arrived, did something for me that had never seemed to have happened before. They understood. And their understanding of what I was going through began to open the door for me. That and the introduction to the Second Step. All of this was the beginning of hope in my life and the removal of the despair I was suffering from.
The hope I was given began to allow a faith and trust to grow within in me. And that I think was the beginning of the end of loneliness. I found that I could be alone and not lonely. And, as the alcohol began to leave my system, I eventually, over time began to lose that awful fear. Again, it took time.
Looking back at all of that, especially the time it took, I guess is what began to teach me that nothing happens over night. Each twenty-four hours is necessary, in order to grow along spiritual lines, which is the solution to what was wrong with me. The physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual illness, which I was suffering from.
Today, again as others admitted, my life is totally different than it was back then. All that this program promised me has come true for the most part. A new happiness and a new freedom for sure. I have more of that serenity and peace in my life. I know none of this was there before I came here. And certainly a lot of the fears of people, places, and things seemed to have faded. But then a lot has been put within me, like faith and trust in my Higher Power, and of course the spiritual awakening (s).
However, one thing I have learned along the way in here, is never to stop. I’ve had enough experience in this program to know that all of what I left out there, and some of what bothered me in here, is still available, if I stop practicing this program. I know it can come back in a flash. If I get careless and slip into sloth and let up on what I need to do in here to stay sober, I know I’m headed for trouble.
I have had some tastes of this, when I got complacent at times. I got lazy and forgetful. But my old sponsor and others, who were willing to step up and put the truth right in front of my face, got me back on my feet and on the right path again. I don’t know where I’d be without the sober friends I have made in here. And I know it’s a two way street.
It made me grateful today to be in a meeting, where we were talking about the solution and the Ninth Step thrown in by another member. Good reminders of what this program is all about and how it works, if we want to stay sober. And I definitely do.