A friend of mine and I were talking about something, which is almost a constant with me, when thinking about sobriety. The word “awareness”.
Not for nothing is there a line in the BB, which tells us that eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. When I forget to be aware of what is going on around me, that’s when I could find myself in danger of that next drink.
How often through the years have I witnessed those among us, who forgot and ended up drinking. I remember one man, with quite a few years, telling me, when he finally got back, that it all started one Friday afternoon, when he came back to his office. When he walked in the people in his office were overjoyed at some big contract they had just received. He was thrilled and when someone offered him a glass of whiskey, he didn’t hesitate and drank it. And then he continued to drink. He had lost his awareness of what was going on and his emotions took over and he was off and running backwards.
He was just one. There were more. For instance, all those I have known, who lost their tempers, because they weren’t paying attention to what was going on. And when someone said or did something, which angered them, they ended up with a deep resentment. And eventually that led them back to a drink.
Being aware is, like the BB said, the price of sobriety. How easy it is for me to forget. To get caught up in something, where I lose any idea of what’s going on around me. I’m defenseless at that point. People, places, and things become a real hazard and end up being the source of provocation of my emotions. Not real? All I have to do is take a quick check of my past and see what happened. How often fear caught me by surprise and I panicked and drank.
But in those days I never even thought about being aware of anything. Today I try to make this a habit. To keep my primary purpose near the front of my mind. I remember meeting a couple of people, who told me they were so busy that they weren’t even aware that they were in a bar and that the drink in front of them was theirs. The one man said that he demanded the bar tender to tell him whose drink this was.
That’s why I need to be at meetings on a fairly frequent basis. For me, at least five meetings a week. I need to be reminded over and over again that I can’t stay sober by myself. I know how easy it is to get so comfortable that I think everything is all right and I can let up on meetings, the program, and the spiritual way of life. I can become complacent. How often we see others, who have become complacent, draw away from meetings, and eventually find themselves in all kinds of trouble. Very often a drink. Not even aware of what was happening to them. Especially when the insanity returned.
After our conversation I came in and sat down and thought about this. A good reminder to remember to where my feet are. Where I am and what it is that I’m doing at anytime. Takes some discipline, but that’s what I hope I have learned from practicing this program. What my sponsor was always trying to get me to do. Practice, practice, practice. I can hear him now.
That reminds me of something one of the men in here says to me, when I get called on, because I have been known to shut my eyes and listen in meetings. He says, “Wake up!”. Brings on a lot of laughs from others, but it’s a good reminder. “Wake up!”
Anyway, just thinking about sobriety again. It’s the most important thing I can do. I just saw someone today, who had some time in and is coming back. The pain and agony they were in was enough to convince me. But how fortunate they are to have another chance. I pray they will grab on and take it. Makes me grateful for all that I have been given.