No matter how many times I have read something in the BB and spent time on it, or in the 12&12, I have a tendency to forget it. Time and time again I have to be reminded to go back and read these thoughts and once again review what they have said and think about them and then, if warranted, to act on them.
Most of the time I just need to reawaken the thought and be aware of what it is, because they may have a direct effect on my sobriety. One of those I was reminded by a long time friend the other day. It was a passage in the Eighth Step in the 12&12. This talked about the possible harms we had done to ourselves. Why was this such an important thought? Because what might have caused us to harm ourselves may still be there.
I know I have gone over this a few times before. It has to do with my unconscious mind. That’s what Bill W. was talking about. I sure have had indications that this is not something new to Bill or us. It has been written about and talked about by psychiatrists and spiritual writers in the past.
Bill points out that there are things hidden from us in the past. Things, which affected us from early childhood on up, but have been forgotten about. They have affected our emotions. And he says they not only did that, but they gave violent twists to our emotions. He and others have said that they discolored our emotions and changed our lives for the worst.
We may not remember any of these things, but our emotions never forget, and when something occurs in the present, which reminds our emotions of whatever it was, up come our emotions and our reactions without warning and they take over. For example someone might act or speak in a certain way and suddenly we find ourselves angry. That anger takes over our thinking and we’ve lost all reason. In the end we blame whoever said or did something, maybe not directly to us, but whatever it was it has brought up unreasonable thoughts and maybe actions.
I remember listening to a deeply spiritual director talking about this very thing. He said almost exactly what Bill had said. And he was trying to alert us to the stuff that’s deeply hidden inside of us, which very well might have been stirred up while we were out there and brought about harm to others, or ourselves. And what he was talking about was that we must learn to control our emotions. Much like I was told in here by those old timers. The intellect over the emotions.
Over time in here I have tried to do what my sponsor told me. To discipline myself to think with my head and not my “heart”, or emotions. To somehow sidestep them. One spiritual writer once said that the most damaging thing to man is the human emotions. He said that we should place sentries around our minds to keep our emotions from rushing the gates and taking over our thoughts and actions.
Why is all of this so important? Behind those emotions there very well might be a drink. Not for nothing did the BB warn us about resentments and anger, which can cut us off from the sunlight of the spirit and we just might drink again. As I have said many times I have witnessed this over the years and it’s tragic. I don’t ever want to go there. But who can say what will happen to any of us, if we get in that condition? Examples have certainly proved this stuff does happen.
One of the aids we have in all of this is the spiritual way of life. Coming to believe in a power greater than ourselves and learning to have faith and depend on Him to protect and guide me through this sober way of life I’m trying to live a day at a time. Practicing this program daily, going to meetings, listening to others, talking to others like ourselves, who have similar stories and have dealt with the problems we face daily, is another way. I do believe like so many that my Higher Power is often speaking through these folks.
Anyway it was one way of refreshing my mind and reminding me of the fact that this is a day at a time program. I need to be aware each day I stay sober that I have to keep my primary purpose right up in the front of my mind. To start my day off with prayer and hopefully meditation. And get to a meeting, if possible. At least to talk to another alcoholic. And to give thanks for all I have been given. Just thinking about sobriety.