Received a good warning tonight to step aside. I remember years ago learning about three way relationships. Three people involved. There’s the persecutor, the victim, and the rescuer. It works this way. The persecutor, who is after the victim. The rescuer steps in to help the victim and then something happens. Instead of the rescuer and the victim becoming a two man unit to turn back the persecutor, the persecutor becomes the victim. Then the former victim turns on the rescuer, allies themselves with the new victim, the former persecutor, and the rescuer is now the victim. Not a pretty picture.
Why this struck me tonight is that I’m witnessing this between two people close to me. The persecutor and the victim. And I nearly stepped in to help. Whoa! Step back and think. I already warned the victim about something and then left it.
What’s the lesson for someone like me. One is the Serenity Prayer. What I’m powerless over. But the other lesson is how our emotions can take over and control our lives. Were these two people alcoholics I can only guess the result. Both would probably be drunk in no time. The fear, the anger, the resentments, the drive to get even.
I can only be witness and not get involved, because I’m powerless to change anything. Their minds and actions are under the control of their emotions. I’ve been guilty of being there in the past and I know that I can slip back into that awfully dangerous state, if I’m not aware and get caught up in my emotions. When I’m aware of what is going on I can ask for help from my Higher Power and avoid being swept up in my emotions. A dangerous place for an alcoholic like myself to be. Especially at the level of this stuff.
The great help I have is going to meetings, listening to others like myself with sobriety, who can carry the message to me that I need to hear. I can also go to friends in the program and talk about what is going on and get the relief and directions I need, based on the experience of others. Again a problem shared is a problem cut in half.
Another reminder that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. And the Tenth Step, whenever I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me. Being aware of that helps me to own up to my defects and steer me in the direction I need to go. It also helps me let go of others and, if needed to forgive them of what I saw as “their problem”, where I thought they were wrong. My side of the street and not theirs.
Anyway I’m glad that I am sober and walking this path to sobriety and the spiritual solution. Have to be grateful.