We were talking about a few feelings, which often overwhelm alcoholics like ourselves today. It was interesting to me, as it went on, because of all the changes which have taken place in my life.
One of the things which struck me as the meeting went on, is how many others like myself have really changed. Those feelings like fear and others have been cut down to size and even eliminated in a lot of instances in here. Amazing when we think about it.
All that has happened as a result of this program. The first element in all of this is that Second Step. The introduction of the spiritual life into our lives. That and our Higher Power. And it was all of this which opened up the rest of the Steps into my life.
And then there’s the other part of all this. Time. None of this happened overnight. Like they say in here, Time takes time. And it does. One of the dangers to chronic alcoholics like myself is impatience. I have to remember how I was when I came through these doors. I was immature, insecure, and oversensitive. An over sized child like myself isn’t going to grow up in a day, a week, a month…or any other short time.
And, of course, that crazy mind of mine, which told me I knew what I was doing kept me stumbling over myself. Like my sponsor said, which finally got through to me, that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. I had a lot of stuff inside of me I had to get rid of which kept all these wrong thoughts in my head. And then I had to begin to be able to absorb what it was I needed to learn. On top of that I had to learn how to practice what it was that I was learning.
What helped me to deal with all of these things was what I began to learn in here. First came hope, then faith began to grow from that, and then love came from the gratitude I began to have in here. On top of that I had to learn how to persevere in all three of these. Not to give up, ever. I was told, if I lost one of these I would lose all of them.
That’s where discipline came in. I really never had practiced that in my life and I had to practice, practice, practice. Not easy by any means, but necessary. And one of the things which helped me were those old timers, who knew how necessary it was to have my ego cut down to size. I was constantly tripping over myself and they knew how to knock me over. I’m so grateful that they had the courage and know how. I owe them so much in my life.
Anyway I was thinking about how much time it has taken in here. And I’m so grateful that I was given the opportunities that I received. How much this spiritual way of life has given me. It’s my sobriety.
And I know that, no matter how long I’m in here, I will always have a way to go. It will never end in my lifetime. I have this disease, which will be with me until the end. There’s no cure, but there are so many gifts I have been given, which will help me to stay sober a day at a time. I am truly grateful.