I began this day with Step Two in the 12&12. All of this after prayers dedicating me to staying sober this day. As I read that chapter, which I had been doing for a while again, my mind went on to where I later knew it should.
I mean, here I was reading the problems which most of us have in one way or another in acquiring a Higher Power and a spiritual way of life…or not. Interesting to say the least. However, as I progressed, I was suddenly struck and had to back off and become silent.
Every once in a while I know that I go to sitting still in silence. I well remember the men, who helped me to learn to sit in silence. They reminded me that prayer is talking to God. And meditation? That’s listening to God. Being quiet. And I learned a long way back that’s what I needed to do.
In reading that chapter it brings back a lot of why we are all here and what it is we need to do to stay. I learned from my old sponsor and all those old timers what it was I needed to do to stay and grow in sobriety. Despite what my mind may be doing, I had to stop and learn how to pray and meditate and grow along spiritual lines. Didn’t mind what I thought or believed. Just had to learn what it was I had to do.
One of those things I had to learn was to be willing to get an open mind, and then from time to time to stop thinking that I knew what it was I was doing. I had to be quiet and do what I was growing up to do. Learning to have a little humility and turning my will and my life over to my Higher Power and just stop thinking I knew what I didn’t know.
So part of that was to pray and ask for help, and then to sit and be quiet. And then get on with the rest of the day in here.
I find that I still have to learn not to be critical of what I often hear others in here, when they express their beliefs and talk about their spiritual foundations. Once again I have to learn the Serenity Prayer. The only one I can personally help to grow and change is myself. And that’s what I know will continue to help me grow along spiritual lines. We all have to eventually grow and open our hearts and minds. That’s why I go to meetings and try to listen and learn, no matter how long I have been in here. It’s still just a day at a time.
I’ll stop and give thanks to my Higher Power and those, who have helped me through the time in here. I am truly grateful. Hopefully I will try to stay open and continue to grow along spiritual lines and remain sober. And to remember what the BB told me. I’m not a saint. I’m a human alcoholic. I need to pay attention to the facts that I may seem to do well, but often I will tumble, and stumble, and need to remember to return to pray, ask for help, and keep on keeping on.