Over time in here I have run into myself over and over again. I know that I can arise each morning and pray and dedicate myself to staying sober a day at a time. I pray to aim myself at using and practicing this program. I learned that from my old sponsor and those old timers, plus others. Studying the BB and the 12&12, I learned what I had to do.
I also learned what it was that I needed to do, to not only be helped, but helping others like myself. This has all led to a wonderful way of life. Happiness and peace of mind, a new way of living. However there is one thing, which I don’t always hear about, and that’s focusing on our not being saints. I may want to do God’s will, to continue to grow along spiritual lines, but I’m not a saint. Like I was told in the literature, and by those old timers, we’re human alcoholics. And like my sponsor pointed out to me, I would find myself tripping over my old defects. Stumbling, bumbling, fumbling. I need to pick myself up and dust myself off and start my day over again.
All of this I found out, over time, that this will go on until the day I die. It’s just what happens to us, despite our trying to continue to live a spiritual sober life. I know from my experience and that of others like myself. Especially those old timers and my sponsor would tell me their own experiences. Doesn’t mean that things haven’t improved. They have. But no matter how dedicated I might be, my mind and my emotions can wander off. And there I am.
The reason I bring all of this up, is that from time to time I can get caught up in myself, and be unaware, until I find myself hitting the deck. And I need to stop, pray, ask for help, and step back and start over again. I have to learn to step back from my negative attitudes and adapt a positive attitude. Pray and ask for help. Even to take moments to meditate and spend moments of silence within. To come to peace with myself and this program. And be grateful for all that’s been given to me.
Anyway, from time to time, I have to stop and focus on my life in this program. I have to remember why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I need to give thanks to my Higher Power, and this program, and all those who have helped me to grow along spiritual lines in here. I know I’m not alone, and that I have a lot of friends like myself.