Once again I had to start my day off, asking my Higher Power for the help I need to do his will and to remain sober this day. Like I learned in here, I can stay sober one day at a time. Makes me focus on what it is I need to do to stay sober.
All that’s going on I learned from my old sponsor and all those old timers. For instance, in that Third Step prayer, it asks my Higher Power “to relieve me of the bondage of self” so that I may do his will. It took time for me to become aware of myself being caught up in “bondage”. My self centered, ego inflated nature. And the help came from my sponsor, who was able to cut me down to size.
Ever grateful for his help.
Anyway I had to start my day, like I said, asking to be relieved and hopefully focused on following the will of my Higher Power this day. Not always easy to be focused on living a spiritual way of life each and everyday. I can tell myself this is what I’m doing, but then it can slip away in a second.
I have a friend of mine in here, who often states that he had to get out of the driver’s seat and go to the back of the bus. Again, ego deflation in depth. And, of course, I need to continue to learn that I’m not in charge. Not just the Steps but the Traditions tell me that.
I can remember that day, way back, when I was appointed the secretary of our group. I suddenly had this idea what I thought the group ought to do. I told my sponsor, and he looked at me and had this side smile and shook his head. He said to me to forget it, “You’re not in charge.” Out of the driver’s seat.
I also learned that I don’t have to be aware. Just to start my day and pray and ask for help each day, when I wake up. Again I need to be grateful for all those who have helped me to begin to change.