Today the group, instead of the Steps, talked about what a couple of people brought up. The effect Christmas had on their drinking. Some of those called upon, seemed to have some problems with how Christmas had some effect on their drinking alcohol and how it effected their lives. And some had no effect that Christmas had on their drinking. I was one of those.
The two alcoholics, who were pulled down by their drinking in the Christmas holidays, were depressed. One was extremely in a bad place while talking and then listening. I could only guess how bad this was for them. Like I said, I didn’t have those results in my drinking alcohol.
In my drinking almost everyday I drank was first gave me a lot of feeling great, and then down hill, but I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. And I did, but alcohol owned me then. In the last few years I was unable to get home before 4 am. It drove my wife crazy. And it was driving me into deep despair and depression. Finally I was thinking about suicide, rather than to continue drinking.
Of course I knew nothing about alcoholism, and the same with AA. I had never ever learned anything, like a solution. Yet a friend of mine, whom I drank with, discovered AA and meetings we could go to and came and rescued me by telling me how we could go to a meeting. That changed me. It gave me hope for the first time in years.
I went home and prayed to my Higher Power and begged him to relieve me of the bondage of alcohol. To remove the power alcohol had over me, and I promised that I would do anything he wanted me to do. Woke up the next day and I was free of alcohol. I couldn’t believe it, but I have never had to drink since then.
And, of course, AA has changed my life. In fact I have turned my life over to my Higher Power and this program. I was told that I had to stay sober a day at a time, to work the Steps and the rules of the Traditions, to go to meetings and listen and learn, to get a sponsor, who helped me very deeply, as well as all the old timers in here, and to practice and learn to live a spiritual way of life. The results were that I was given a new way of life, a new happiness and a new freedom. Peace of mind and heart has removed the deep despair and depression alcohol had given me. I have learned to have hope, faith, and love. To try to practice humility, and step back from being owned by my huge ego.
Finally, I have to say, that I am just a human alcoholic. Not a saint. So I have to live this life trying to do the best I can, but falling, and stumbling, and fumbling, and bumbling, just as my old sponsor and those old timers told me I would. I had to learn to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. I know I will never stop learning what I need to know and do. And part of that learning was being able to finally stop letting those negative emotions come in and rule and destroy thinking and my life.
I am grateful to my Higher Power, for the peace and happiness I have been given. I also need to thank all those, who have given me what I need to continue to grow and do what I need a day at a time. And I know that I need to be open to helping others like myself, to have compassion and a willingness to share to help them, like I was.