At the meeting today we were covering the Tenth Step in the 12&12 and that brought up a lot of contribution. Most was pretty helpful. My thought was always the same, the spiritual axiom, which is on the third page of that step. And that states, that whenever we’re disturbed there is something wrong with me. And it is always the truth.
The problem is…my sobriety. My spiritual life. My peace of mind. And my relation to my Higher Power…as well as my friends in the program, my family, and other friends. And finally…letting go of the cause of this disturbance. Finally, I am the cause of what is wrong with me.
It’s up to me and no one else to take care of what is disturbing me. My peace of mind and heart is within me and no one else. It’s my responsibility. The cause of my feelings and thoughts are within me.
This means that I need to talk to my sponsor or some old timer, who is aware of this kind of reaction on my part. And, of course my Higher Power. Finally, my close friend(s).
All of this is not easy. I know that from my past reactions. And I am aware of my reactions from the past. I can never forget how very hateful I used to be. And I am aware that this is not that far away in my life. But then, peace of mind, faith, hope, and love, even compassion have come to be part of my life in here. I have to learn to let go and let God do for me, what by myself I am not all that able.
Anyway I am glad that I was able to learn this and change. For me it’s like a miracle. To be able to step back with that peace of mind and heart within me, which despite time in here, is still such a great gift. That’s why I need to ask and rely on the help of the God of my understanding, and that of the help I am given in here by my friends, who know how this program works for alcoholics like me.