Someone reminded me today about our negative emotions. Anger. I can remember when that ran my life. Anger, resentments, fear, anxiety, depression, and the list goes on. That was what was running my mind, when I was drinking. Then I got sober, came to the program, and guess what? My negative emotions were still doing the control of my mind.
And that’s what hit my old sponsor, when he took over me and my staying sober. He was the one who woke me up, when he said to me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know; I only thought I did. And that hit me right between my eyes. A wake up call for me. What I so desperately needed.
I was going to have to learn to step up and begin to change. Not very easy to say the least. Having to deal with what was pulling me down. I needed help to say the least. I was going to have to go from the negative to the positive. Not an overnight event. Here I was trying to learn to change, and only able to do this a day at a time. And like we all learn, time takes time.
What helped me the most was what my sponsor taught me to do. And that was learning to do the Second Step. Taking on a very spiritual way of life in here. I had to do the rest of the Steps, but I also had to learn how to get along with my Higher Power. To grow in faith. To pray and think along lines, which began to change my life at last.
That’s where the prayer I needed finally came to me. “Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better serve thee.” I also learned that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. But I also learned that none of us are saints. We’re human alcoholics. That’s when I became conscious of what those old timers were telling us.
From time to time we are going to stumble, and tumble, and bumble. And we have to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off. Pray and ask for help, straighten out, and begin to do what we need to do to continue to grow.
But I also learned that I had to begin to think straight and become positive and not negative. To do the right things until the day we die. To try to grow along spiritual lines and put this program into action. To stay sober a day at a time. Not to project into the future. To go to meetings and listen and share. To grow in faith, hope, and love and compassion. To be willing to help new people the way we were freely given by those old timers.
And to also grow in gratitude for all we have received. To thank my Higher Power for the grace and gifts I have been given. To also thank those old timers and others, who have helped me to begin to change and grow. And then step back and begin to start to live in humility. That’s because I am not in charge. I’m here to be of service to others. Does make me grateful.