One of those things, which can often go on in “open” meetings, is that the character talking may begin with the program, but end up talking about anything and everything, which has nothing to do with sobriety from alcohol. And then there are times, when an individual, may begin “teaching” their way of staying sober, which may often, especially if they do not stop and change, lead them back to taking a drink again. There are other things, but these two were going on today.
I was talking to other people from the meeting today and I had to go back to how it was, when I came in and got sober. I know a few others had the same experience. We came in at a time, when there were no rehabs of detoxes, no programs of any sort, except AA. And at those meetings for us new people, if we opened our mouths, we were told to shut up and listen. We were told that we had no idea how to stay sober and we needed to listen and learn. And, over time, they were right. I have never forgotten.
The sponsors I got were amazing. My first had ten year sobriety, but I found out later on, he had only accepted the First Step and the Twelfth. I know he reached a point where he was filled with resentment, went back out an drank again and died. My next sponsor had twenty years, and he met me and listened to me, and then said: “You don’t know that you don’t know. You only think that you do.”
He, and his wife, who had some more time, helped to change me over time. I learned from them, after they learned how I stopped drinking, to begin to work the Second Step. It opened the door for me into a spiritual way of life, and growing in a relationship with my Higher Power. And then began to learn to read the BB, go to meetings on a regular basis, a day at a time, and to listen to them and other old timers how this program works, and what I definitely need to do.
I had to learn what was wrong with my thinking. I discovered that my mind was being run by negative emotions, which governed my drinking life, and they had followed me into the AA program and were still running my life. So I also had to learn how to change from the negative to the positive. None of this happened overnight. Time takes time I learned. I had a lot to learn and it took time.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this and talk with others, like I said, who had much of the same thoughts about growing up in this program and learning to stay sober a day at a time. And over time in here we had learned a “new way of thinking”, and had to grow along spiritual lines and to begin to learn to also live in a very practical way. So we also had to learn how to step back and let go and practice humility.
And all this I learned was going to take a lot of time. Right up to the end of our lives. I had to learn how to think in only a day at a time. I was not to allow my thoughts to project into the future, or drift into the past, which all could possibly drive us back to drinking again. I found I had to think only a day at a time, and stay focused on this. Not easy, but do-able. And I am grateful for this way of life. It certainly has changed myself and all I know, who are still here.