One of the things, which came up today was the beginning. How did we get started. And did we really? Are we really here or not?
Did we get the help we needed or not? We had a lot of answers and most of them were really positive. In the end we all seemed to be in the right place for the right reason.
Amazing. I knew that I had the right answer to my arrival and the reason I am still here. I knew nothing about this AA program. It was not well known, when I got sober. I definitely knew nothing about it. However I was so beat up by my drinking that I wanted to end my life. I couldn’t go on. I was totally in darkness within and suicide seemed to be the only answer.
That’s when a drinking friend of mine had heard about the program and the help we could get. That woke me up. I went home and prayed and asked God to help me stop drinking and I would do His will for me. I fell asleep and woke up and the alcohol was gone. I can still remember that I was awake and actually happy and didn’t even realize that I was not drinking alcohol until the end of the day. It was so amazing.
I remember I came here and was introduced to listening to sober alcoholics back then. I heard a lot of good things I needed to listen to. And the last thing was an old timer, who came over and read the Jan. 6 page of the 24 Hour a Day book, the first paragraph. It was so clear back then and even today. And that was the day I came in.
I didn’t drink, but my first couple of years was somewhat confusing for me. I had picked a sponsor, who was sitting alone by himself in my next meeting. He was a tough kind of guy. I know I was not comfortable with most of the men in the rooms, and this man was one who listened to me. And then, after his 10 years in here, he went back out got drunk and died. He had had a deep resentment and it took him down.
That’s when I ran into my second sponsor who had 20 years and was very sharp. He listened to me and was struck by my thinking. It was the way I thought, when I was drinking all those years. It was governed by my negative emotions. I didn’t know that. But that’s what opened the door for me. He told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And somehow that was a wake-up call for me. I believed him.
He made me read the first chapters in the BB and talked to me about them, and then introduced me to the Second Step. And that was what helped to open my thinking about this program and my staying sober. The introduction to a spiritual way of life surprised me, but it made sense to me. And that opened the door to my beginning to have a relationship with my Higher Power. Didn’t happen overnight, but began to grow as time went on.
And overtime in here, with the help of my sponsor and those old timers, including his great sober wife, I began to grow and change. I’m still sober after all this time in here. I owe all of this to my Higher Power, and all those old timers, and all the people who have helped me over and over again. And hopefully I have done the same for them…including some, who have come in from the alcoholic cold out there.