A man up here, who after he introduces himself says, nothing is worth a drink today. Only in this program does that make sense. Nothing is worth a drink today. Nothing.
When I think of that, I know that it’s true, but I also know that a drink is always possible. A good friend of mine said to me the other day, that even though he never thinks about a drink and doesn’t want to, he did know that his anger could take him to a drink. Bill W. tells us that in the BB. I thought about that and told him that I agreed. The one thing in me, which could possibly trip me up was just that part of my character defects, my anger.
I was thinking about that this morning and realized that it wasn’t that alone, which could take me out. There are a lot of things I don’t ordinarily sit down and examine. Self pity might be right up there on the scale. Allowing myself to sink down into that awful place and relish the rotten luxury of feeling sorry for myself. It certainly worked for me when I was out there. There’s also pride, which Bill said headed the list of the seven deadly sins. My ego at times can be absolutely insufferable. I know it’s just waiting in the wings to take over my life.
What protects me from all of this stuff? I know that something does. Something to defend me from myself. For one thing, awareness. I was walking through the kitchen last night. Some relatives and their friends were having a party downstairs and the kitchen counter was stacked with empty beer bottles. No problem, I thought. Whoops! A shadow passed in my mind and I continued on upstairs. Not the thought of a drink, but something. It’s always present in the alcoholic mind. Not consciously, but it’s there. Once an alcoholic, always and alcoholic. I was getting a reminder. To be neither cocky nor afraid. I sometimes can be cocky and not even know it.
God, my Higher Power, is always present. I just have to remember that. On my unaided strength alone, there’s no defense. Then there’s the steps. What have I done with them today?
Were they present last night? Hmmm.
I was thinking about complacency today. So used to a way of life that I have been living for so long that I can fail to pay attention to what’s really going on around me. Nothing is worth a drink today, if I’m practicing this program in all of my affairs.