It really is amazing, when I look back and think about things my old sponsor told me. One of them was that I was to put a little sign on my mirror, which said “Don’t lie to me”.
Everyday I would go to that mirror and ask myself “What’s he talking about?”. I didn’t get it. So I took the sign down. It wasn’t until years later that I finally got it. The mirror I was supposed to be looking at finally hit me right between the eyes. That mirror I found out was my 10th Step.
How I missed that I know today was just sheer ignorance on my part. I was blinded by my self justification for things I was doing wrong. I was lying to myself all along. I would adopt the problems of others and think my resentments were there because I couldn’t correct those people. They weren’t ready for my “wisdom”. I hadn’t learned to keep my mouth shut and walk away and mind my own business. And that was just one of my problems where I was wrong.
Today I may still have these problems and others, but at some point, when I’m quiet, all of a sudden I see myself in that mirror. The 10th Step. And there I am, having to take my own inventory and cut out lying to myself. That Step doesn’t say “if” I’m wrong. It says “when” I’m wrong. That’s the truth I need to help me find my way along this path to help me stay sober.
Just another lesson I have had to learn. Sobriety isn’t an overnight event. It’s a reminder that time takes time. And it has taken a very long time. I’m still learning. But thank my sponsor and my Higher Power for providing me with what I need. That mirror especially.