Kind of different today. I was going to say weird. What’s that? The two topics. Maybe three. One was perseverance, the other alienation. And I think the third was the Second Step.
The one, perseverance, is sticking with one thing. And alienation is just the opposite. And the Second Step is what got all of this together for me. I know that when I came into this program I was ignorantly trying to stay sober. And the fact of the matter I was suffering from alienation. On the one hand, if I had been able to, I would have been aware of how familiar much of this program was to my early life. Instead I found everything foreign. The people and the program.
One of those things, which I know a lot of early members suffered from, was thinking that when members were standing around talking they were talking about me. Talk about self centeredness and an oversized ego. Especially if they were laughing. Yes, I would have to admit I was alienated.
And there was another thing, which I also found I was resisting. And that was the mention of spirituality. I mean I had grown up with this stuff and studied it. And here I was resisting the whole package in here, thinking I knew the answer to things. It was like I had never even heard about this stuff. And then I did something which I believe changed my life. I opened my mouth.
That’s when I was given something I didn’t know that I desperately needed. What I eventually began to hear in here, when I was finally able to listen. It’s called ego deflation in depth. Something chronic alcoholics like myself not only need, but deserve. And that was the moment an old timer called out to me, as I was talking at a meeting. He told me in a clear, very loud voice, to shut up.
That angered me. Talk about alienation. But just as it did, something else came into my mind and quieted me down. I heard within myself that this was good for me. I have no idea where that came from, but I always want to remember that moment. It was the beginning of what was going to open the door to this program for me.
And that was the introduction to the Second Step by my old sponsor. The start of the spiritual life in me. The opening the door to the rest of this program and the start of trying to do this program the right way. To learn how to practice these principles in here. And part of that was learning perseverance. Learning the discipline it takes to stick with what I was being given. Hope, faith, and love. To depend on my Higher Power. To learn to stay sober a day at a time. To go to meetings on a regular basis. To become aware that I cannot stay sober by myself. To put the Twelfth Step into practice as often as I am able. To freely share what was freely given to me by the sober members of this program.
Anyway I needed to go back and think about this today. What so often reminds me of why I am here to begin with. Like I said, I’m here to stay sober one day at a time. I may not ever want to drink alcohol ever again, but I can only do that one day at a time. I have a disease for which there is no cure. I will have it until the day I die. If I stop practicing this on a day to day basis I know I would find myself wandering off and perhaps getting drunk one more time. I know what that leads to. I’ve seen too many deaths from drinking. I don’t want to go there.
I need to say what is important for this alcoholic. I am grateful for all I have been given. I need to thank my Higher Power and all those in here who have helped me along the line. Thanks.