One of those things I was meant to learn in here was for me to stay in this day. Not to go ahead and not to spend time in the past…except to help someone else just like me. The Twelfth Step.
The reason this hit me today was hearing the weather forecast. A snow storm was being predicted and I went ahead and called my daughter, whom meets me on Sundays. I think I was going to tell her something about the storm, when she stopped me and said why not wait until tomorrow. Hmm.
The point of all of this is to help me to pay attention to why I am here. It’s one of the most important goals for this alcoholic. I need that to help me to focus on the moment, rather than project my thoughts into the future. I know that when I do that I will find my emotions beginning to take over and run my mind and my life. Very painful at times and always trouble.
And, when I find myself drifting that way, the minute I become aware, I know that I need to stop my day and start it over again. To pull myself aside, to pray and ask for help. To turn my problems and emotions over to my Higher Power. To take a moment of silencing my mind, my thoughts, and then changing my attitude from the negative to the positive. To laugh at myself and to smile when I come into contact with others. And, if possible, to share with a sober member in this program, whom I can depend upon.
And for me, at times like these, I try to have an opportunity to stop and help someone like myself, who either wants to get sober, or is having problems themselves.
After time in this program I try to remember that I am a human being. That I am imperfect and that there are going to be moments when my faults are going to trip me up. I am not cured of this disease. I know that the physical part of my disease has been put on hold. The result of the spiritual awakening and the restoration to sanity. The fulfillment of the Second Step. But the unmanageability is still there. Like the BB tells us, we’re imperfect. We’re not saints.
For me it is gratitude that I have been given a program, which provides me with what I need. In these instances it’s the last three Steps. Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. Practicing these spiritual principles in my life, which are part and parcel of my sobriety.
Anyway I felt I had to stop and think about all of this and remind myself once more that I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Need to remember that always. And I need to thank my Higher Power and the members in here for helping me to remember all of this and to keep on keeping on. Just like my old sponsor used to tell me when I tripped over one of my faults. That I was to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. To persevere and never quit.