I was thinking today about one of the most difficult problems I suffered from when I came into this program. And that was the lack of an open mind. I can well remember how difficult it was for me to change. I know that I certainly have gone over this a number of times, but I never ever want to forget that. I know that it’s possible for this imperfect human being to slip back into that state. I have seen this before in others.
I know that this has happened to alcoholics, who for one reason or another have stopped attending meetings. There are a lot of mental states which have overtaken alcoholics and helped them out the door of this program. Complacency is often one of the reasons. The idea that they have reached a state of control over their alcoholism and no longer need what this program has to offer them. Risky at best. I know those who have drank again and never were able to get sober again. And some, whom I know, who almost lost their way, but never took a drink and did get back. Took them time, but after a while they were able to regain what they seemed to have lost and have stuck with it.
And then there are the control emotions have over us and our egos. I know from watching others and what happened to them. Of course one of those is anger and resentments, which has led some back out the door and into drinking once again and then death. Just as the BB tells us. But that’s not the only trap I know alcoholics fell into.
I’ve also seen a few who for some reasons fell into self pity and depression or despair and isolated and drank again and lost their lives. I know one who didn’t drink, but took his life anyway. Not a person I would have thought of him that way. A man with twenty years, a brilliant professional. Never the less he stepped out the door and hung himself. My old sponsor and a few old timers told me that they believed he had reached a point where drinking alcohol again had become an obsession and this is what he tripped over.
That’s what made me stop and think about keeping an open mind and staying willing to learn what it is I need to know in order to stay sober a day at a time. A reminder to me just how important my sobriety is to an chronic alcoholic like myself. And one of the keys to this alcoholic is to continue to strive for a spiritual way of life.
I want to always remember what it was that broke down my resistance to opening my mind. The Second Step. It was my old sponsor’s insistence that I read the chapter We Agnostics which told me that not living a spiritual way of life was an invitation to not only drinking alcohol again, but my death from that. I had already been exposed to that at the end of my drinking and never ever wanted to go back there again.
So today I thought about all of this again and felt I needed to remind myself of why it is that I am here. To stay sober a day at a time. And for me to do this I know I need to be willing to keep an open mind and practice perseverance. To do this I know I have to be willing to go to meetings on a regular basis because I opened my mind at one point and came to accept that I cannot stay sober by myself. I am still imperfect, as the BB points out. A human being and not a saint. I still have my faults and need to be reminded of how to deal with these and continue to change.
I learned in here that I still have an active disease. My desire to drink, the physical part of this disease has been put into neutral. That’s the restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening. The rest is in practicing the spiritual principles in here on a daily basis. I need help from my Higher Power and others in this program. And that’s why I’m here and grateful for all I have received.