Thinking about that Fifth Tradition today I couldn’t help but think about carrying the AA message to the alcoholic who is suffering. Usually I know that means the new person or the alcoholic, who is coming back. But that is not a fact. The truth is that at any point in sobriety we can find ourselves in pain. And we still need the AA message, just as much as the new alcoholic in the program.
I know from experience as have others that I need not to have my feelings massaged. I need to have my emotions penetrated and opened so that I can hear what it is I am here for. It’s to stay sober this day. If I can’t hear that then, I could find myself back in a bar drinking again.
I often think of those I have experienced in the past, who did not get that message. They were treated by others, who got caught up in their feelings. I could remember it reinforced their emotions and not their being able to hear what they needed. Some lost their places in here and went back out there.
I have to remember that I was freely given this program by those, who cared enough about me that they told me the truth I needed to hear. I often think about that. It’s so important to this alcoholic. I need to be reminded of just why I’m here. I’m a chronic alcoholic, who suffers from a fatal disease. Alcohol almost took my life in two ways. The first was the fact I learned, after I got sober. I found out that the alcohol shut down my liver at least three times and eventually led to an internal hemorrhage, which they could do nothing about, after I was over a year sober. I was fortunate that it finally stopped. In most cases it never does. It’s fatal.
The second threat to my life was me. I could no longer stand alcohol, but I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what. So I finally decided to kill myself. Fortunately for me a drinking buddy of mine had heard about a group of men and women, who had stopped drinking and held meetings and he would take me there. That gave me hope. And that opened the door to total surrender on my part to the God of my understanding, which freed me from drinking alcohol. A miracle as far as I’m concerned. Haven’t had a drink since then.
All of this reminds me of exactly why I am here. I’m here to not only stay sober a day at a time, but to do what was so freely given to me. I’m here to carry the AA message to the alcoholic who still suffers, whether it’s a new person or an old timer. And that message is what we are all here for. To surrender to the fact that I cannot drink alcohol. I’m powerless. I need to stay sober, get a Higher Power, whatever that is, and to put this program into action, and have a spiritual awakening.
And that means I had to learn to have hope, faith, and finally love or compassion for others like myself. I’m here to do whatever it takes to help another alcoholic. I had to learn to get out of myself and become open to another alcoholic just like myself. I needed help and I was given that help. I never want to forget that. And I need to do the same thing for others that was done for me.
Anyway I was thinking about that today. Makes me grateful. And if I am truly grateful I will practice this Twelfth Step. I need to put my ego and my wants aside and go ahead and do what I have learned in here. And I need to say thanks to my Higher Power, this program, and all the alcoholics in here, who did for me what I so desperately needed. So, thanks.