We talked about prayer in several conversations today. That was because we were caught up in the results of negative emotions and attitudes. It was things I try to practice from what I learned from my sponsor and old timers in here.
The emotions were difficult, as I remember. I knew they were for those I talked to today. My emotions owned me I found out after I came through these doors. No matter what I seemed to do I would find myself in trouble with myself and often with others. That was one of the things which I discovered I’d better do something about, or I might find myself back out drinking again.
They dragged me down into depression, anger, and a host of other things. And, of course, they controlled my attitudes. I would be out in the world with a negative attitude. And it was all of this, which began to lead me to a desire to change my life. I was already free of alcohol, now I needed to learn how to get sober and stay sober.
And this was the beginning of learning to lead a spiritual way of life. I had to be able to turn my life over to my Higher Power and begin to follow directions. Of course that led me to begin how to turn my negative emotions and attitudes to prayer and meditation. I had to learn to back up and be quiet. To take deep breath, step aside from others, and ask for the help I needed. To be willing to do what I learned in here to forgive others, the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step in the 12&12. To face the truth about myself and when I was wrong to admit it and change.
None of this was an overnight change within me. It took time. A long time, but I came to change from time to time along the way, which helped to encourage and give me hope. And, like other things in here, hope led to faith and encouraged my reliance on my Higher Power and the people in here, who helped me.
I knew I had to learn to get open and share with those I knew from experience could and would help me. My old sponsor and his wife were the beginning of change and stayed that way until the end of their lives in here. I have never forgotten how they reached out and showed me how to begin to live this wonderful way of life I was given in here. I will always have gratitude for them, and others, especially my Higher Power.
Anyway all of this led me to spend some time in here thinking about why I am here. To stay sober a day at a time. What a miracle for this alcoholic. I often can think of how I probably should have been dead a long time ago, as the result of drinking alcohol and the life I was leading. To say that I am amazed doesn’t even reach the thoughts I have on my being able to stay sober. All I can do is practice this program and be willing to give what I have been given to others like myself. I need to say thanks.