We were talking about joy and gratitude today. However my mind was partly back in thoughts about some I know, who are beating up on themselves. I know what that’s like, because I’ve been there. So there I am thinking about the joys in my life, and how that has led me to be grateful over and over again. But getting over self beatings is not easy.
Like a number of people today, who said, when they came in, they were tied up in their dishonesty. I sure know what that was like. That was me, although I really didn’t know that. I had to be nailed by my old sponsor, who showed me how tied up in my lack of honesty I was. How I needed to get out of my own way and begin to listen. Not easy, but do-able. Over time I started to get those new truths into my life.
What I was really thinking about was how to get those who were beating themselves up in a place where they could stop doing that.
Not easy, because back when I was like that, I believed I knew what I was doing. Like my sponsor showed me, I had to learn to stop lying to myself and admit my need to get honest and listen to the answers I needed. I did and I wanted them to do the same. I thought, if I could do it, so could others.
But joy? Of course. I certainly have found joy in here. It is often right in me. At the same time, it continues to grow. A gift I was given by my Higher Power and this program. And, of course, my old sponsor and a lot of others in here. I always think of what it is I’m supposed to be doing in here. One of them is practicing spirituality. Freely giving as it was to me.
Joy and gratitude are now part of my sober life. Just those thoughts kept me from allowing myself to get dragged down with so many negative thoughts I had heard. In fact it made me positive that others like myself can change like I did. Hopefully things will change.
Anyway just needed to stop and think about all of this. I’m so full of gratitude, as so many others were today. Able to stay sober a day at a time. Being able to stay in the moment for longer and longer periods is part of all of that. I know that is a gift. Like I always have to say, I need to thank my Higher Power, my old sponsor, and so many others, let alone this program. Anyway, thanks.