Today we talked about getting into our old faults and defects. Basically it brought about the concept of surrender and change, which we all have to work on and change.
As always, I thought of the Second Step. The need I had to achieve in order to begin to live this new way of life in here. To reach a point where I would finally be restored to sanity. My stopping fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol.
Of course I had to look at what it is that we fall into, because we’re human beings. Not saints. I know that we have to live a spiritual way of life. My being dependent on my Higher Power. Starting with hope, going then into faith, and finally love. And all of this has happened…over time. Didn’t happen overnight.
And then I thought about what my old sponsor told me. First I had to stop lying to myself and others. I needed to not read the BB, I had to study it. Learning what it was saying, and then asking for help I needed. I also needed to do what those old timers were talking about. Placing my intellect over my negative emotions.
In time this all began to happen. I learned how to listen and then learn. I did begin to change, but I knew that I had to keep my mind open and continue to learn. And one of the things I learned was in the BB. It was about the danger of resentments. I saw that in my first sponsor, who did exactly what the BB said would happen. He drank again and died shortly after. I saw that not only in him, but others. That woke me up.
I also learned from this intellect over emotions, by reading and learning about the spiritual way of life. In all of this I learned what Bill W. wrote about in the Eighth Step in the 12&12. He wrote about the unconscious mind and its damage to us. And I learned how this determined what would effect us and bring up negative emotions. That’s where the Tenth and Eleventh Steps came into my life. And I began to change.
Anyway I thought about all of this, during and after the meeting. I’m glad I did. It was this, which helped me to sit back and let go and remember why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I’m to place myself as number one in here. Only I can stay sober for me. No one else can do that for me. I want to stay sober and be willing to do whatever it takes to do that. Makes me grateful. My Higher Power, this program, my old sponsor, and so many in here have helped me, and I owe so much thanks for all that’s been done to help me live this way of life.