How important meetings are to an alcoholic like myself. That’s what we talked about today. Not that they’re not important for every alcoholic trying to stay sober, but I know exactly what I need. Others I know feel the same way, because I listened to them today.
When I came into this program, I thought I knew everything. I knew that I was hopeless and helpless, when it came to drinking alcohol. That’s what I heard from and old timer in here, who, at that first meeting, read from the January 6 page of the Twenty-Four Hour a Day book. I never want to forget that reading. It told me what was wrong with me and what was the most important thing for me. Staying sober and never taking that first drink ever again. I could never forget that and I hope I never will. I often go back and read and remind myself.
However my self centered huge ego told me that I knew all I had to know. No one could really tell me anything. And one night, at an early meeting, someone in the meeting called on me. I began to put out my ideas and then something happened, which woke me up. One of those old timers yelled at me. He told me in an extra loud voice to “Shut Up!”. He told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. I needed to take the cotton out of my ears and begin to listen, if I wanted to stay sober.
I became instantly angry. I could feel the flush in my face turning beet red. And just as quickly something happened. All of a sudden this thought came into my head, that what I had just heard was good for me. I don’t have any idea where that came from, but it quickly calmed me down and my anger faded away. I often go back and remind myself of this, because it was what began to open the door to this program for me. I began to listen.
Over time in here I began to go to meetings each and everyday. I can never forget that I was stuck, trying to figure out what that Third Step was all about. And then I was sitting in a Third Step meeting and heard what I needed so desperately. One woman near me spoke to her sponsor. She asked her what God’s will was for her. Her sponsor simply said, “The other nine Steps”. And somehow that opened the door for me.
I’ve often thought about that moment. I guess I found out I didn’t need a real intellectual answer. I just needed a simple solution and that’s what I was given. Over time in here, at meetings, I have learned that again and again. My ego inflated mind of mine, wanted me to deeply go into intellectual answers to everything. I learned from this program to keep things simple. Otherwise I would, as I found out, get tied up and into negative emotions, and stumble, and bumble, and tumble, as I find myself doing from time to time. I learned that I’m not a saint and I’m just a human alcoholic.
I also learned in here that, when I am tied up in my junk, which I will be until the day I die, that attending meetings calms me down. I’ve come to meetings with the weight of the world on my shoulders, and by the time the meetings come to an end that I’m light hearted and in a pleasant place within. Amazing.
Today I know I go to meetings to not only get helped, but to help others like myself, by sharing what I have found in here. I know I did that today and it made me feel hopeful and pleasantly happy. And I know that is often each and everyday. That’s because I know I want to stay sober each and everyday. One day at a time. And it does work. It’s part of the answer I need.
The other part I know is what happened to me in that Second Step, when it opened the door to this spiritual way of life in here. It introduced me to my Higher Power. I grew in faith and hope, and eventually love. Not just for my Higher Power, but all those in here, especially those, who have freely given to me. And that led me to love others and freely give to them. Part of my being grateful. My thanks