One way or another, we have to find a way out of ourselves. When I came into this program I was tied up inside. No one, not even myself, could get me in our out. I was stuck. I can remember having a problem in where I was at in college, where I had lost my way and walked out. Did I ask for help from those who knew things in the field I was in? And the answer was no. I never did.
Then I surrendered to my alcoholism and came into this program. I was stuffed down into myself and didn’t want to really listen to anyone. Talk about a magnified ego. And then two alcoholics I knew died. They had gone back out drinking again, based on resentments. That woke me up. I somehow realized that I needed help. And I got a new sponsor.
What I desperately needed was surrender, and willingness. And that’s what was given to me by my new sponsor. He “slapped me down” in a sense. He told me that I needed to begin to surrender and listen. To stop thinking I knew what I was doing. I had to learn to put all my thinking aside and listen to those who knew this program. Those who could give me what I so desperately needed.
I often go back to Chapter Three in the BB, There Is A Solution. That young man Dr. Jung was working with, who had gone back out drinking again, was told there was no hope for him. He was told that he had the mind of a “chronic alcoholic” and there was no cure for that. That statement was like it was said to me. I needed to hear that. Like that young man I had to become willing to listen and do what he was told. That the only hope for him was that he had to have a spiritual awakening. He told the doctor that he was religious and had what he needed. And the doctor told him he was wrong. Then he surrendered and had a spiritual awakening.
After learning that, and listened to what my sponsor told me, I went to Chapter Four, We Agnostics. The opening of the Second Step. And that’s where I became willing to begin to live a spiritual way of life, and to accept and follow a Higher Power. And in time I changed. But time took time and I had to slowly grow in here. It worked. Eventually I had a spiritual awakening, and was restored to sanity.
Anyway, all this is a wake up call for this day. The day I need to stay sober. And it makes me grateful for all I have received in here. I have to thank my Higher Power and all those, who have helped me to grow.