One of things I had to learn in here, which became a big help in my life, was being able to solve problems I had. I had these problems when I walked through the door into this program, after I stopped drinking alcohol.
I got the help I needed in several ways. One was the grace of my Higher Power. That came into my life in fairly quick ways, which were surprises to me. In fact I didn’t even know this at the moments they came and helped me. I only learned that from my sponsor and others, who were able to explain this to me.
Up to this point, back early on in the program, I know I was very confused and found it hard to think straight. Part of the problems were my dishonesty (which confused me), and my enormous ego. That’s when I believed that I was supposed to be in control. And that tripped me up over and over again, until my old sponsor and those old timers were able to cut me down to size. Later I was to learn that I had to develop honesty, and I also came to recognize how I had to develop humility. Not always easy I found out.
However a large part of all this was my being overcome by my emotions. And I was really totally unaware of this. Someone would say or do something, which would make me angry. Or I would think they had and would get a resentment. Often times I would find myself being upset or in fear. And the Tenth Step in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions states a spiritual axiom, that every time we are disturbed, there is something wrong with us.
I had to learn to back off and take my own inventory and not that of someone else. In the past, because I did not understand that, I would carry these feelings around with me for a long, long time. When I first heard of this I was unhappy, because I wanted to blame everyone for my dark feelings within. But overtime in here my sponsor and a lot of those old timers helped me to come to understand the truth I had failed to grasp for most of my life.
I was taught to think and not depend on how I felt about anything. Not easy, but do-able. Time took time, but it began to change me. It included using the spiritual program, coming to understand the “bad” and the “good”. Learning to ask my Higher Power for help. But I also had to learn to back off, when I was struck by these inner negative emotions within, which would cloud my mind and rule my life. I had to learn to remember that I was not here to be ruled by my emotions, especially the dark and negative ones. I had to think at all times. Again not always easy.
And, of course, all of this is about staying sober. I can’t tell you of all those, who were taken back out by negative emotions ruling their lives. And a lot of this caused fatalities. And destruction of true friendships, both in and out of this program.
Anyway, I know from what I have learned in here, that peace of mind is available, and compassion and love are present, when I am practicing to stay sober a day at a time. I must never forget why I am here. I am here to stay sober. My primary purpose. And I am grateful for all I have learned in here. I got that from the God of my understanding, my sponsor and all those old timers, and all those, who are ever helping me. And part of that is being helped by those, who are new in getting sober, whether in private or in meetings. Learning to give and share what I was so freely given.